He Ain't Heavy!

Tomorrow is my older brother Jeff's birthday. He is turning 28, which means I am turning 27. What the heck? Didn't I just graduate from high school a year or so ago? And who are these children and why are they bothering me?

I started thinking last night about all of that. Things have changed so much in the past few years but there are some things that will always stay the same, even if it isn't evident on the surface.

It was 1992, I was starting 8th grade, Jeff was starting 9th. Boyz II Men were at the End of the Road and we were all Smelling Like Teen Spirit. We had just moved to a new town and were going to a new school. It was much bigger than our last one and it was easy to get lost in the shuffle. I was so nervous on the first day! I went through the entire morning without talking to anyone. I kept doing the shy smile and "hi" thing but to no avail. I was starting to think I was destined to be a loser.

My third hour music class was hard to find. I even asked for directions from a blonde girl wearing overall shorts with one of the sides unbuckled. She obviously recognized me as a soon-to-be loser and didn't want to waste her precious time giving good directions. I looked and looked and still couldn't find my class. The bell rang. I was late and I was lost. My eyes welled up with tears. I was sure that this was how life was going to be from now on. I was going to be the girl who ate by herself, sat by herself and talked to no one. I felt totally and completely alone.

Just when I was about to break down bawling I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see my big brother Jeff standing there, asking if I was okay. I cried to him and told him that I missed my friends and was having a hard time. He said he was too and hugged me while I sobbed. I told him I couldn't find my class. He put his arm around me and told me that we'd find it together. And we did.

That was the start of a great friendship. Before that I was just the annoying kid sister who tagged along after him on occasion, and he was the stinky older brother that beat me up three times a week. After that day we had a newfound respect for each other. We depended on each other more. We hung out with the same crowd. We became good friends. I still annoyed him on occasion, but he tolerated me. Probably because he wanted to make out with all my friends, but still.

We have remained great friends from that time until now. There were times that we didn't get along and times that we struggled to see the other's point of view, but we have always remained close.

One day last year I came to the realization that we don't talk much anymore. At first this made me terribly sad, but then I realized that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. We just don't need the emotional support from each other that we once did. We have loving, devoted and caring spouses to do that. So much has changed in our lives. We are no longer the carefree kiddies of yesteryear. We both have kids now and mortgages to pay. We live in different states. We have grown up, grown apart.

Things have definitely changed, but one thing has not. I have always had a friend in my big brother. For that I feel very blessed.

Happy 28th Birthday, Jeff. I wish I could be there to make you a big ole shepherd's pie.