Buh, Bye Blogger!

I don't think I'll miss you!!!

So I did it. I made the switch. Come visit my new site at http://emlouisa.com Bookmark it. Change your blogrolls. And say goodbye. You'll never have to visit this site again!!!!

Emily

So Sunday Was One Of Those Days...

where A-Boy just cannot quit talking. And singing. And talking. All through sacrament meeting. I made him sit on my lap during the sacrament prayer. He sings (yells) "WHERE IS PUMPKIN, WHERE IS PUMKIN, HERE I AH! HERE I AH!" I ask him to be quiet, he keeps singing. I put my hand over his mouth so it sounds like this, "WHRR IFHFF PMMMKMMPMMM.." He does not shut up. Or stop moving. I seriously wanted to punt the kid across the chapel, that's how annoyed I was. I didn't want to leave though since when we leave A-Boy thinks that is fun.

Behind us is an older lady. Her kids are grown, she is very quiet. You never can tell what she is thinking, and therefore I assume the worst. There is an elderly couple sitting beside her. Behind them are 3 other rows of elderly people. I feel their eyes watching me try to control my child. I feel my face get hot as he makes such a scene and I blink back tears.

We make it through the sacrament, barely. Testimony meeting begins. I really feel the urge to stand up. I push the feeling away. It doesn't go away though, it just becomes stronger. I get up and go to the front. I bear my testimony. At the end I say that sometimes it is hard for us to want to come to church because our little boys act like terrors, but that I know we are doing the right thing by coming. My voice gets all wobbly. I close and sit down.

A-Boy is trying to run out into the aisle so I block him with my legs. He throws toys and books into the aisle. I pick them up and quietly scold him. The older lady behind us hands me a note.

Dear Emily,

Your children are wonderful (and normal!). You may regret that you brought them now (just because you are frustrated) but I promise you, 20 years down the road you will be so grateful you hung in there. We all understand and we've all been there too.

Sister J

I cried.

Sister J one of those older ladies that all the young moms feel judged by. We all suck in our breath when she comes in the chapel, and pray that she doesn't sit within Cheerio-hucking distance of our children.

It was really, really nice of her to write that note. I may laminate it and put it in my scriptures.

Pounding The Pavement

So I did it. My 5k. I ran my little heart out.

Before I tell you all about it though I have to apologize. There are no pictures! I know! I was sad too! Greg and I ran out of the house so early this morning that we didn't even THINK about the camera. Before we left we went through the list of things I needed to run: Watch, check. iPod, check. Water bottle, check. Sunglasses...shoot. I ran in and got the sunglasses. We didn't think of the camera.

What we didn't know is that we would get there 40 minutes before the race would start and that we probably had time to go get the stupid thing and be back before the race even began. Oh well.

So I had butterflies before the race started. Greg was helping by saying things like, "Can you believe it? You are here to run a 5K!!!" and I would say, "Heck, ya!" and then be nervous. It probably would have helped if I hadn't gotten there so darn early.

They gave us a five minute warning and we all lined up. My iPod ear thingys kept coming out of my ears, but I fixed it. The race started and I was off. I thought it was totally weird to run with so many people around me. I can't say I enjoyed that part all that much. I worried that I was going to make someone trip or that someone else was going to make ME trip. And there was a gross dude that was wearing teeny tiny gold silk running shorts and nothing else. He looked very...breezy. I tried to avert my eyes when I saw him so that I didn't throw up.

I hadn't even gone 2 blocks of the race when I started getting teary-eyed. I was doing it! I was running! Me, Emily. The one that before March could never even run 2 minutes without feeling the barf coming on. And now? I was running 3 miles! It was a very emotional experience for me and it was all I could do not to lose it.

I wanted to whoop and holler. When I reached the 2 mile marker there were two people standing there, directing us where to go. The lady clapped her hands and I yelled, "WHOOP!" and pumped my fist in the air. She was surprised and we all laughed. (Well, they laughed and I tried to breathe) It was the motivation I needed though, the race information said that the track was flat and easy and there were hills right at the end. Small hills, but hills none the less. I am used to running on completely flat streets of subdivisions, so this was a lot different.

Right before the last little hill I looked to the left and saw Greg and the boys. A-Boy and Mini-Man were both saying, "Yay, Mom!" and clapping to their hearts content. I got all teary again. After the race a woman came up and asked me if those were my kids. I told her yes and she said that she was ALMOST to quit but when she passed them they cheered her on and she kept going. Yay for my boys!

I made it to the end in 32 minutes. Not great, but great for me! By the time I made it to Greg I had full-on tears streaming down my face. He was worried until I told him they were GOOD tears. I did it! My first 5k.

Spending the last five months training for this day has really taught me a lot. I have learned that if I set small goals each day, I can achieve them. On the first day of training I couldn't even run a block, let alone 3 miles. Life is not much different. If we have a goal that seems unattainable, we just need to take it step by step. If we work on it little by little every day, we can achieve our greatest desires.

I have truly found something that I enjoy doing. Running has become such a release for me. I love getting out there in the morning, nothing but me, my iPod and a pair of shoes. I love it.

And I can't wait until the next race.

Five Things I Have Learned This Week

--I should never sweep the floor while my boys are awake. Because when I finish sweeping around the garbage can and move to other areas of the house, THIS suddenly appears. Funny how that happens. Do you know how hard it is to get tiny pieces of styrofoam off of the floor? The stuff sticks to everything. Not to mention Mini-Man thinks it is a culinary delight. The picture doesn't do it justice, probably because the pieces are so TINY that they are hard to photograph.

--A-Boy is starting to talk in more than two-word sentences. Today I was making the bed and lifted up the sheet. "Are you tired, mom?" he asked, thinking I was just about to crawl into bed. "Nope, just making the bed look nice," I told him. "Oh, okay. Cool," he said, then ran off to play. And I smiled. It is so cute when he talks like he's so grown up. Now if he'd stop with those pesky tantrums we'd be just spectacular.

--The new Chocolate Chex Mix? Amazing. The Turtle flavor is probably the best snack food ever invented. It may sound gross and a little weird, but trust me. Run, don't walk, to the nearest grocery store and pick some up. You will be both grateful and annoyed at me for introducing you to such a wonderful and evil product. Try some. Like, right now.

--When you say something like, Carol Brady I Am Not you spark all kinds of interest in people. Thank you thank you thank you to everyone that responded. I read all your comments, I pondered all your comments. And you are right. I am learning that I don't need things to be perfect. It's okay to have bad days. The one thing that really stuck with me was what Heather said. (By the way, who are you, Heather? You aren't clickable and I wanted to click on you! You have good advice that should be spread with great bounty all around this land of blogdom!) She said that we shouldn't PLAN to be good moms, we should have the GOAL to be a good mom. Baby steps. I can do baby steps. Line upon line. Anyway, thanks you guys for all the kind words. And besides? Didn't Carol Brady have like, really awful hair? Ew.

--Tomorrow is the big day. My 5k. The one I have been training for since the end of March. At the first of this week I hurt my tailbone somehow and after going to the chiropractor decided it was not a good idea to run it. I cried a lot. I have been waiting for this day for so long and I am READY! But by Thursday evening my bum was feeling a lot less sore. I decided to try going on a short run to see if I could do it. I TOTALLY could. I didn't hurt at all. So, I am doing it. I am so very very very excited about the whole thing. I promise to let you know how it went the first chance I get. Hopefully Greg will take lots of pictures. And hopefully you won't judge the beautiful red face I get when I run. Seriously, its bad.

Wish me luck! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!

Carol Brady I Am Not.

When I pictured myself as a mother when I was younger it was always the same thing. Me, sitting with my kids, laughing and playing with them. Reading books together, pushing them on the swings, happily making cookies together, etc. I was going to be the patient mom. The BEST mom.

I feel like I am failing as of late. We read books, but I'm hurrying through them. Pushing them on the swings? I'm too tired and it's too hot outside and I have too much to do. Making cookies together? It's easier to do it myself. I don't have TIME to clean sugar and eggs off the floor, not to mention the Crisco that gets painted all over the cupboards. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I want to chuck things across the room.

This is not good.

This is not the life I want for my kids. This is not the life I want for ME. I want my children to feel safe in our house and safe in my arms. I want to be their refuge from the world. I want there to be a spirit of love in our home. I realized today that I am not giving it to them and that needs to change. Like RIGHT NOW.

I don't want them to look back on their childhood and think, "Man, my mom really hated being a mother. I was just a thorn in her side, an annoyance." I want them to look back and smile and remember that they have a mother that loves them more than they could ever understand.

How do I do this? I am asking you, Oh Internet. Help me become a better mom.